In many ways, I returned to Amate to bring a little continuity to my life. Ever since I left home for college, I've been moving around constantly to new dorms, cities, etc. In some ways, I thought Amate would be a comfortable option. It didn't exactly work like that.
The biggest shock has definitely been my new housemates. As much as I attempted to prepare myself, I wasn't ready to meet 10 new people and immediately put them into a central role in my life. Forming a new community is very similar to breaking up with your significant other and begin dating other people. You sit at the dinner table with new people and know that this person will soon hold a very dear place in your life--however, that is just not the case quite yet. It is even more challenging considering your ex-girlfriend (1st community) lives in Chicago and you really didn't break up for good. Whenever I see Jessie or Jen in other communities, we exchange pained looks. It's a rough transition.
Work hasn't been an easy transition either. The first day was wonderful: it was like returning home to a family of wonderful people working so hard for others. However, we've had major budget issues over the summer, and it's very strange to see someone else in my desk.
Despite my whining, I'm excited to be back. I ultimately returned because I needed one more year for personal growth. I felt I learned a lot about the world last year, and I'd like to spend this year learning more about myself. I also have a new goal: hope.
We met for orientation to discuss "social justice." Social justice, to me, is a the "sexy" issue in the church right now. It attracts a peculiar group of people--activists. The ideas are inflaming due to the extreme possibilities of large-scale restructuring. We wouldn't need a Kovler Center if mental health facilities were freely offered to anyone and immigration reform addressed the hardships our clients face. Last year brought about a major setback, however. Without getting too political, I felt betrayed by the new Health Care Law. I voted for Obama almost entirely because he was striving to implement major reforms in our health care system. There was talk about a public option and health insurance for all. Unfortunately, the very first thing to go was health insurance for undocumented immigrants (aka my clients). Afterwards went the public option, and we were left with an ugly, complicated system that basically helped the insurance companies more than the American people. Power mobilized to help the people helped those already with power and money.
Dad, I now understand why you are a conservative. I still think the Republicans are just as bad though, ;)
So I went through my "fake Catholic Worker" stage next. I obsessed over the notion of individual and personal justice. Want to help the poor--invite them into your home. Don't rely on large structures to solve your problems. I began to read Stanley Hauerwaus and Shane Clairborne but only on a very shallow level. I realized I wanted to live the philosophies of Dorothy Day, but I had never ever read her works. In reality, she does want us to work on the smaller scales but not to ignore large scales. She constantly practiced civil disobedience against unjust structures. It was more nuanced than I was willing to admit.
Taking my fake philosophy to its extreme means to have no hope. To think that political structures will side against the poor is (sadly) realistic, but it doesn't always have to be like that. England left India after Gandhi and the Civil Rights Legislation was passed after the heroic work of MLK Jr. However, is racism dead? Of course not. It's about a balance and to always strive for hope that things can be better while remembering:
We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation
in realizing that. This enables us to do something,
and to do it very well. It may be incomplete,
but it is a beginning, a step along the way,
an opportunity for the Lord's grace to enter and do the rest.
We may never see the end results, but that is the difference
between the master builder and the worker.
We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs.
We are prophets of a future not our own.
Amen, Oscar Romero.
Here's to my second year! May God bless it with prayer, service, community, and above all--hope.
You have challenges in both arenas- work and home/community life. It's always more tempting to fall back on what's comfortable and familiar.It would have been a lot easier to just live with Jen and Jessie in your old house.
ReplyDeleteI am a bit surprised that your work situation was such a disappointment but budget constraints are truly a reality for both non-profits and for-profits. You need Sheryl from the Fayette Care Clinic to generate some funds for you- she has a remarkable talent for getting money. I think it's because she loves planning golf tournaments and garage sales. She earned $12,000 from just one golf tournament this summer!
That being said you seem to really understand that all we can do is take one step at a time as workers and applaud each triumph- even the tiny ones. If you can help one of your clients live one day longer or have one more healthier meal then you have made a difference.
Good luck this year - it takes a lot of courage to write the blog and be so brutally honest about yourself. Good luck with your quest for hope and personal growth. Your gifts are numerous, Mike.
(You had to know that I'd be the first to post a comment) Once a mom always a mom.....
Glad to see you got back to the blog. Sadly I wish I was a part of that group that was around to keep nagging you, but I think it is healthy to be at a distance. In some ways many of us are jealous of you 2nd years, but in many we are so glad for you all and your decisions, but really glad we don't have to go through the process of the new uncertainties that comes with this new year.
ReplyDeleteYou are ever the thinker, and no one will fault you for that. I love hearing, and now reading your thoughts. I'm staying with my friend Billy tonight and I told him how you two resemble each other, in looks and thoughts. Today while having a deep conversation with him, I realized that he really seems to be living out his passion to follow Ghandi's saying to "Be the change you wish to see in the world." There are still obstacles of growing a program that didn't exist, showing people it's importance, and some how figuring out what is the best path when no one has tred it before you.
My challenge to you this year-think about what you want to do. I don't mean Doctor vs. Justice worker. I mean, what is the bigger picture for you. Are you going to run a soup kitchen, and what does it mean if you do. I just realized that it would be so much easier if I wasn't in my job (yeah, 2 months in) thinking about how I'm going to be continually creating new programs, and such. Why can't someone just do this for me. Can't I have a profession like that? NO. Our work is not stagnant. We have to work at it, all the time, seeing what we need to do, changes to be made, and so on.
So, when you leave Amate a full fledged vegetarian who wants to continue to serve the oppressed and poor, what will your mission be? How can you live that out, while maybe going against society in ways?
Don't ask me. I'm still working it out, but at least I know that for right now I'm where I'm meant to be. You are too.