An Attitude Shift

So I took a week off from writing due to the Notre Dame game. And then another for a retreat. Time to catch up.

I'm going to post this blog from last week, then post two more in the next few days.

These last two weeks have shown me the extremes of my work. Last week was emotionally tough; I saw more pain and hopelessness than I could cope with. I hit a point where I needed to reevaluate how I approach my work. My typical coping mechanism involved activities at home that would help me unwind at the end of the day. I'd listen to music or immerse myself in books to escape the sadness I was experiencing on a daily basis.

This method was failing me because it wouldn't prepare me for the next day. My coping mechanism when facing the trauma was hoping that I wouldn't get too stressed until I made it home.

I spoke about this problem with my roommates and my supervisor Mario. My roommates sought to reassure me about the good that we were able to do at the Kovler Center. It occurred to me that I failed to see past the sadness every day. I was too blinded by the sadness to see the good. However, Mario was able to articulate my needs better than anyone.

Mario has been working with torture victims for 35 years, and in his experience he found there's a difference between recovery and healing. We often use the words interchangeably but note that the word is re-cover. The "re" implies a return; in this case, a return to the way one was before.

Torture is so severe that recovery is impossible. It's impossible for those who endure it, those who see it, and those who work with it. You cannot just bury the sadness or "get over it." Trauma forever changes people and on one level that's a good thing. What would it mean to the survivors if I returned to "normalcy" at the end of this year. It insults there struggle to do so. I've been changed drastically, and that's a good thing. Now, I need to learn how what I've seen shapes who I am and who I choose to be. I'll likely spend months attempting to figure this all out. It's great that Amate gives us so much time to reflect on it all!

The Auditor Cometh

This week, I experienced my first government audit.

Yeah . . . exactly.

Approximately half of our funding comes from the Office of Refugee Resettlement (ORR) which is a division of the Department of Health and Human Services (in case you were curious). In the mid 1990s, the United States was funding and training military groups in Latin America to fight communism. What was actually happened, however, was these groups used communism to oppress any union worker, Catholic, teacher, political figure, etc that spoke against the government. In effect, the United States had directly been funding torture in Latin America. As a result, the United States sets aside money every year for torture survivors.

Our funding is allocated by grants. Every three years, torture treatment centers apply for a grant from ORR and this grant accounts, again, for about 50% of our budget. The audit is the first for the center, and it was surprisingly productive. ORR is primarily concerned with accountability. They want to know that there money is being used as promised; in addition, they want to assess the success rate of the torture centers.

The first factor is completely understandable. I think government should be strict with money that is given out. All you cynics out there (like myself) will be surprised to know that the government representative did not miss a trick. She was a very smart woman and was very meticulous about every cent of government money that we spent. She was kind but harsh at times. She pointed out every problem she saw and lectured us for wasteful spending. The most shocking thing to me is the scale of money we are talking about. The grant being addressed is in the hundreds of thousands of dollars yet most of the government waste comes from lack of accountability in the billion dollars grants. While I think government accountability should be the norm, it surprised me that our meager grant (on the scales of things) was so meticulous picked apart.

The second aspect was on the "success" of our treatment plans. Torture treatments are very difficult because the idea of treating torture victims is only about a few decades old. In addition, cultural divides are often immense.

When our center opened its doors 23 years ago, we saw two groups of clients: Hispanics and Cambodians. Our initial staff was largely Hispanic so their treatment was fairly straightforward. However, the Cambodians were difficult to help because they did not care for the standard Western treatment: individual counseling. A lot of cultural problems arose--on one hand, Cambodians believe in reincarnation, and some felt that they deserved the torture because they were likely a torturer in their past lives. Furthermore, the staff discovered they could resolve their trauma only through group activity. The Kovler center used art and dance (called art therapy) and found great success. By symbolically representing trauma, it helped avoid the verbal difficulties of expressing it and empowered all the individuals of the group.

So back the audit...I brought up that story to illustrate the difficult of determining "success" in treatment plans. Success in medicine is often hard to quantify. We see this difficulty every day as Congress attempts to reform health care. They want to streamline the process using "proven methods" but how and who determines that? It's the same way with my center. I absolutely believe that some treatments are better than others and that poor treatment centers shouldn't be funded at the expense of a successful treatment center. But again, it's so difficult to determine success. They currently use a Harvard Trauma Questionnaire at Intake and Discharge in order to document improvement, but is that really the best way to do it? Is merely asking questions about anxiety the best way to provide accountability. Who knows? How do you quantify success for individuals that refuse counseling? Does art therapy fit into the Harvard Questionnaire?

All in all, the audit was successful because it made us much more accountable. The auditor pointed out weak areas in our system and provided a lot of helpful advice. I couldn't believe, however, how meticulous she was over our funding. I have a lot more respect for our government, but I wish they'd also focus their attention on larger sums of money that are allocated.

Finding Hope in the Face of Darkness

The single hardest thing about this year so far is an appreciation of the gravity of the problems that face our world.

When one works for social justice, I believe the fight must be two-fold. First, there must be acts of charity. When there is hunger, we must provide food; when there is homelessness, we must provide housing; when there is despair, we must provide hope. Social justice needs a reactionary role because there is are many needs in the world. This is the area that's most commonly thought of when one images non-profit work.

The problem with being reactionary is it's often difficult to know what is needed. My older sister Laura illustrated it well by describing charities that would build wells in fertile land. They intentions were good but ultimately it was a waste of money because they provided a service that wasn't needed. It's often difficult to know what the need is because there is normally a lack of familiarity but even if you know the situation there are always countless different opinions on what is needed?

The second aspect of social justice involves a proactive approach: it is essential to examine the inequalities in society that lead to these injustices. It is a simple fact that opportunities are not equally distributed in this world. It is not to say that those in the "first world" don't work hard, but it is fair to say that employment opportunities simply don't exist in much of the world. In these areas, it is not a question of how hard one works but a question of whether success is even possible.

In my line of work you begin to realize that torture happens because the system permits it. It is not easy to get away with torture; it requires powerful, desperate groups of people that can stifle any opposition through intimidation and violence. It goes without saying that powerful governments use torture to stifle opposition but even large corporations use it. Shell gasoline has been accused of human rights abuses in Nigeria and the United Fruit Company has been closely tied to countless human rights abuses throughout Latin America.

It is this second aspect that paralyzes me and leaves me feeling so helpless. I merely need to open any clients chart and learn their history by reading a few pages. One page asks the client to explain why they were persecuted. The clients simply need to check the box next to one of the following options: political minority, religious minority, cultural minority, labor disputes, etc. One of the charts I saw had each and every option checked. My sadness and paralysis emerges because ideally I don't believe we should just help those who are tortured; we need to fight to prevent torture from ever happening again. Ultimately, my job should never need to exist. However, when someone was tortured because of politics, religion, culture AND labor issues, is it possible to correct even one of those in our lifetime? Just watch the stories of political oppression in Iran and Burma. Even if you do abolish torture in one country there are over 100 nations that use torture. Even our own country after 9-11 established "black sites" to intimidate and humiliate terror suspects beyond the eyes of organizations such as Amnesty International and the Red Cross.

My hope persists due to the positive aspects of my job. It is clear to see that the Marjorie Kovler does great things for people every day. I had the honor of receiving a call for an incredibly positive and warm client from the IRS stating that he no longer owed back taxes (his identity was stolen by an illegal immigrant and owed the IRS thousands). To be able to receive that news and know that his financial future was much stronger was an honor and a blessing to the soul.

I also take comfort in the fact that, again, 97% of our clients obtain asylum. It isn't fair that it often takes years. It isn't fair that a client of ours was denied asylum this week but not deported and therefore will forever be undocumented and stuck in political limbo. You just have the remember the positive because paralysis helps no one.

The Frustrations of Non-Profit and the Hopes of Immigration

Despite the fact that "non-profit" is the new, positive buzzword in the business world, there are serious problems with non-profit work. The quirks of the office have begun to frustrate me. My computer is slow (30 second delays), my phone is static-y (which makes translation even harder), and the copier is our sworn mortal enemy. There are days when I long for a single copy to come out properly without jamming. It has come to the point where if I can reach into the heart of the machine and pull out an un-torn piece of paper, I can declare it a success. It simply is a matter of funds. I imagine that each year the management must decide between implementing essential services for the clients or improving the working conditions of the staff. Naturally, the choice is an easy one, but it is still frustrating for the staff. My site is such a contrast to my visit to Chick-fil-a's corporate headquarters that I made a few months ago, and it is easy to see why someone would choose a work place with a gym and cafeteria over a work place whose shredders are older than most of the staff. Nevertheless, you remind yourself why you are there, and that the copier still makes copies (albeit wrinkled or distorted ones), and the shredders do in fact work. It is a minor inconvenience considering that the money likely went to pay translators or therapists that our clients so desperately need.

You would imagine my surprise then when I took a client to the Illinois Eye Institute. The IEI is a non-profit center that gives advanced optical care to the poorest in Chicago. The building was brand new and the technology was state of the art. My visit was so refreshing because every doctor or staff member you met made a real effort to be warm and accommodating. The visit was long (5 hours), but the eye doctors were thorough and very helpful. I guess the quality of non-profit is really about how much money you have to work with and (as my Dad can tell you) how well the money is managed. I really enjoy the visits because it gives me a chance to really meet some of my clients. These visits are often very interesting both from the medical side of things (try to explain what macular degeneration is in small words when I didn't actually have any idea what it was) and the emotional side by really hearing from these people.

The clients rarely dwell on the past. To them the past is usually unspeakably painful. These people left everything--family, friends, jobs--just in order to live. Employement alone is a very sad thing to discuss with them. Many (but certainly not all) of our clients were tortured because they spoke out against the government or the system in their country. Many of our clients are highly educated and were quite well off. When they arrive in the United States, they usually have to start over. When I help clients fill out Medicaid forms you always see them sadly look down when they admit that they're unemployed. Immigration laws make it difficult to find employment and the language barrier is immense even for those who legally are permitted to work. My client I met today was only a few years older than me, and he expressed his frustrations with work. Unlike many, he is employed, but he works as a janitor in a coffee shop. His work is tough and often impossible to finish in time because the manager knows he can always replace his type of labor so he is pushed hard. He longs for better work, and I reassure him that if he continues to pursue his GED and his English classes that there is hope for him. I know that immigrants face thousands of obstacles and usually it is the children of immigrants that find "success" in the work field, but my client is still young so hopefully his options will remain open. At the very least, he is alive and is lucky to be so. It gives us both hope.

Week 1 of Kovler

The Marjorie Kovler Center is a small division of Heartland Alliance, a refugee assistance program. The Kovler Center is located in a residential neighborhood, and the building itself is a old convent (which means I both live and work in convents). Many nonprofit programs have bought old convents due to the decline in the number of religious men and women.

The Kovler Center is composed of 19 full-time staff and countless volunteers. Funding largely comes from both the Federal Government as well as several donors. Whenever a client is admitted to the center, the services are available for life. Therefore our center technically serves almost 1,500 people but we typically see about 300 clients in a year. I was shocked by these numbers but even more shocked to learn that torture occurs in over 100 countries (out of 195). The geographical diversity of our clients is staggering.

Now that the technical stuff is out of the way, the Kovler Center seems to center around contradictions. We serve among the most traumatized people in the world yet the work place is very warm and lively. I absolutely love the staff. I work under a Guatemalan immigrant who is among the warmest people I've ever met, and my immediate coworkers are 4 other case managers that are all trilingual. It makes my mediocre French seem pretty pathetic, but the staff and clients appreciate any language skills you possess.

The case managers provide 15 basic services on a rotational basis with each case manager assigned to 3 tasks. For the next three months, I will work with primary care, medicaid and billing. Most of my time is spent scheduling patients with our volunteer doctors and nurse practitioners or calling the local clinic to schedule blood work and EKGs for our clients. The clinic recently passed a rule stating that free services would only be provided to the homeless in the area, and initially, we thought this restriction threatened to deny services to many of our clients. In reality, however, it turned out that most asylum seekers are forced to live with relatives or friends of friends which is technically considered homeless by the federal definition. Asylum seekers strictly do not have the funds to afford housing.

Side note: in case you were curious, I learned the difference between refugees and asylum seekers. Refugees are taken care of by the UN. Normally, large numbers of people will flee a war zone and the UN will place them in other countries. These people will obtain all necessary paperwork through the UN and will be eligible to work once they reach the United States. Asylum seekers, on the other hand, technically enter the country illegally. They tend to be persecuted individuals that had to be smuggled out of the country into another. If they are arrested by immigration services, an immigrant can ask for asylum status. Unlike the illegal immigrants who come for employment, asylum seekers are not immediately deported and are allowed to demonstrate why returning to their country is out of the question. Asylum seekers that we see are 97% successful in their efforts to obtain asylum status because evidence of torture almost always convinces an immigrant judge that asylum is needed. However, the process is long and complicated. Asylum seekers normally wait anywhere from 2 to 10 years before becoming legal and occasionally are not allowed to work until becoming legal.

The work itself is engaging because it is almost non-stop problem solving. Case managers are always trying to find services until the asylum seekers become legal and make it on their own. Most of the services involve housing and, most importantly, psychiatric counseling. Torture is used to empower the government by weakening the individuals that challenge it. The Kovler Center's primary goal is to empower all those that seek services. People who are tortured often completely lose their trust in people as well as their own identity. Both need to be restored if any healing is to take place. I should admit that my work does not directly involve psychiatric work so most of my information comes from The Blindfold's Eyes. Once again, if you are interested in the psychological effects of torture I cannot stress this book enough. It has been a great resource during my first week as I get to know some of my clients.

Orientation

Orientation has been a fast-paced blur. Once we arrived it has been non-stop until the last few days. In short, orientation has centered around the five tenets of Amate House which are: community, stewardship, social justice, faith, service. In order to keep the last few days straight, I'll shall organize my blog today in those categories.

Community:

One of the most staggering aspects of this program is its size. Currently, Amate House has 36 volunteers that live in three houses situated around Chicago (ideally) near the work sites. North House is located near Wrigley Field and holds 14 volunteers, Little Village is located in a predominately Hispanic neighborhood about 5 miles west of downtown holds 9 volunteers, and South House (my residence) is located about 5 miles southwest of downtown and holds 13 volunteers.
I soon realized that 13 is a really, really large number. I know that probably sounds obvious to most people, but it really hits home when you go to the store to buy 5 gallons of milk on Sunday, and it doesn't last until Wednesday. When I imagined living in a community, I think I had about 7 people in mind whereas 13 is really a difficult sized group to manage.
Another thing that struck me early on is that this program is striving for more than 13 volunteers merely cohabitating the same space. The tenet of community really emphasizes that my housemates are supposed to mean more to me than any previous living situation. The buzzword commonly used by the staff is "Intentional Community." Initially, that phrased sounded merely redundant, but we truly do have a remarkable program. This quote read to us on the first day has really stuck with me so far:

Community has something to do with being open enough to share weaknesses, to accept one's vulnerability and finitude not only in the secret recesses of one's hear, but also in the presence of others. Paradoxically, that's where the real power of community comes from. -Dick Westley

The 13 of us really strive to open ourselves before each other. Many of our talks have been uncomfortable but powerful. Ultimately, this communial aspect is why I choose Amate House over programs such as Teach For America because I knew that I needed a strong support network for what I wanted to do this year. Social workers have a tremendous burnout rate because their job is demanding. I knew that for a year of service I would need a support network to turn to.
Much of orientation has been filled with discussions and activity focusing on building our community. Some of our more fun activies involved the beach, a low ropes course, etc. The variety of activities at orientation has been nice and made the week fly by while remaining interesting.

Stewardship

The third day centered around the idea of stewardship. Stewarship most frequently involves the following lines from Matthew:

Jesus sent out the twelve after instructing them thus, "Go...to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. As you go, make this proclamation: 'The Kingdom of God is at hand.' Cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, drive out demons..." etc etc.

The verse to me was always about using the gifts God gave you to better the world. In reality, the verse is also about being good stewards of all gifts given to us, including the earth and all those who inhabit it. We spent the day learning about things such the enviornmental disasters that occurred in South Chicago. Chicago industrial parks were all located on the South Side; plants produced products such as steel, coal (for power) and meat (Upton Sinclair's book The Jungle is about the meat processing plants located in Chicago and the abuses that were occuring). We walked around Little Village and observered parks that were dumping grounds for these factories for years. The people living there now, mostly poor Hispanics, have to constantly fight and lobby the EPA and the former companies to clean up the enviornmental disasters. For example, they examined a site and found that carcinogenic compounds were 1000x higher than what is considered safe. This tenet seeks to make us more aware of the products we buy and where they come from. Homework for you all: check your tags in your clothes and see where they were made. We made a list of all the countries and the list was over a page long for the house. Sweatshop labor is sadly still a major problem.

Faith

We met with a Loyola professor to talk about what he called the Spirituality of Transitions. It was a very interesting presentation about, psychologically and spiritually, what will occur during a state of transistions. Afterwards, we were asked to share in our House our spiritual journey. It was actually an immensely powerful but difficult talk because despite being a theology major, discussing one's faith is immensely stressful and nerve-wracking. It was a very special experience.

Social Justice

*brief interlude: we did our first grocery run before talking about the next tenet. Imagine for a moment shopping with 13 people for a weeks worth of groceries. It was one of the most stressful things I've ever done.

The talks on Social Justice really centered on solidarity and what it truly meant. This blog is getting long so I will summarize our talk with these two quotes:

"Solidarity is not just 'vague compassion or a shallow distress at the misfortune of others' but rather 'a firm and perserving determination to commit oneself to the common good; that is to say to the good of all and to each individual, because we are really responsibile for all."- Papal documents

"What worries me most is that 'solidarity' is understood as a disposition: one can have it for a while, put it aside for whatever reason, and then pick it up again. I am also worried about the fact that 'solidarity' has come to mean 'agreement with' and that it is given an ephemeral sense of supporting others that has little to do with liberative praxis." - Ada Maria Isasi-Diaz

Service

Not much to say here because to me, this is really what the program is about. However, this tenet will likely be the center of most of my blogs from now on. My first day of work is Monday and my posts will focus on my work at the Marjorie Kovler Center for the Survivors of Torture. I HIGHLY recommend a book for everyone interested in my work to read. It is called The Blindfold's Eyes: My Journey from Torture to Truth by Sister Dianna Ortiz. I'm only about 100 pages in (it's a long read) but it was written by an American Nun who was tortured in Guatemala in 1989 and her attempts to return to "normalcy". The truly remarkable part is the woman used the Marjorie Kovler Center in Chicago during her rehabilitation. I actually had to call my boss the same day I read a passage from the book describing her initial call to the same man. It is truly the best source I can offer about the center, but I will warn you it not as easy book to read.

Sorry it was so long! I promise they will be shorter in the future.